Dreadful of what's to come...
Happy Lunar New Year, everyone!
Penny is almost three months old. The days are going by too quickly and I've been low-spirited thinking about the near future. I will be returning to work at the beginning of March. That would leave me just less than a month left of spending my days with Penny. I have seriously considered taking more time off so I could be with her longer. I have also considered applying for a part time position instead of working full time. However, it just doesn't make sense financially right now for me to do either. Currently, the plan is that Penny would be with her grandparents during the day while I work at the office, and Jack would continue to work from home. We would pick her up after work, spend a little time with her, and then have to reluctantly put her to bed at probably 7 or 8 PM, as babies sleep pretty early.
I miss my coworkers a lot, but I really dread going back to work. I am trying to make the most of my time with Penny right now. I give her tons of kisses and cuddles every chance I get. I tell her I love her every time she wakes up and every time I put her to bed. Initially, I found breastfeeding to be so tedious and wanted to switch her to formula immediately upon returning to work. Now, I actually want to continue nursing a bit longer as this would be one of the few ways I would be able to bond with her. When I nurse her at night and she becomes milk-drunk, I would hold her and put her cheek against mine and I would in pure bliss.
Since she will be at her grandparents so often, I really hope I do not miss too many of her "firsts." I know this is a selfish concern, but I am worried she would always think for her grandparents first instead of her own parents. I want her to seek for Jack and me when she is scared or needs comfort. I want her to know that though Jack and I cannot be there for much of her awake time during the work days, that we still love her to death! I wish I could continue to be with her 24/7 but I'll have to soon get used to these changes. I just have to accept this is all part of motherhood and life.
